Peace & Grace,
Thank you for your courage to ask such a vulnerable question.
BDSM is a form of sexual deviation and whenever we deviate from what God intended for the sexual intimate relationship between a husband and his wife, it is a sin, and will cause problems and damage to the marriage relationship.
First of all the act of sexual intimacy is very private and should only be between the husband and his wife under the covering, approval and blessing of God. so it is never for any one else to "watch"
BDSM is about unrealistic fantasies, then more often than not tend to "act" or "imagine '' illegitimate or inappropriate relations. As Christians we are to avoid or run away from participating in such acts or in talking about them, but more importantly we are to avoid or run away from even thinking about them. One of the common disasters that happen with some Christian men is that they focus only on behavign the right way or speaking the right way and yet allowing all kinds of sin in their mind and thought. This is a disaster because "man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart" We WILL be asked to give an answer to God one day on what inappropriate thoughts we allowed to linger in our mind.
Watching or even thinking about such things, will change the way you look at women or at people in general as objects, not as fellow human beings, people created in God's image
Also, such practices for watching them or thinking about them, focuses on the self, what's in it for me, what do I get or take from this... while within God's boundaries, the beautiful act of sexual intimacy between a husband and his wife,should be about giving, not taking.
We recommend that you resume the journey of asking this question, and seek to sit with your father of confession (or Pastor if you are not Orthodox)
God bless you
